My Dear Friend
The world blossoms with the colours of relationships. It is the relationships that make this world a better place to live in. In all of the relations that one relation that lighten & brighten us up & bring us instantly into our happy mood is ‘the relation of Friendship’. It’s not a blood relation but the spirit of this relation is tied to our heart.
There is absolutely no place for post, prestige, power, money, pride, honour, ego, status in this beautiful relation. Just like Krishna & Sudhama’s friendship. There was no hint of inferior-superior feeling in their friendship. Nor they had pride of the power in between, neither an ego over opulence was ever a hindrance in their beautiful relation. It is a beautiful example of a true friendship.
Friendship feels like a home that helps us enjoy this beautiful life even more. We can be totally ourselves in front of our friends and we are accepted just the way we are. Our specialities, weaknesses, and all our deep dark secrets are stored in our friend’s heart forever.
There is no proper place & time to build a friendship. When it happens, it happens! And that date & time become special. Weddings & everything else require special time & place because there on every step we face many difficulties. But friendship gives us a peace of mind, the joy of life. For marriage, age matters. But for friendship there is no such barrier. Kids, adults or even aged people make great friends. The very beautiful essence of friendship rules over everyone’s mind & heart.
From the age of nursery till we are old enough to fly to abroad for our higher education, friendship is one such relation that keeps beautifying our paths. We meet & become friends with many people. Our neighbours also become our friends. If we shift then there we make new friends. During vacations, we go to our uncle’s & aunt’s for stay and there we make different friends.
If we are travelling or are on a tour or on pilgrimage or on an official trip for some project work, we make friends effortlessly or infact we don’t even try to do friendship, it sort of happens naturally.
We strive to search and get back together with our school or college friends. And when we do, we often find ourselves reminiscing the old moments and memories spent with our friends. We share photos or videos of old times & keep celebrating the joy of friendship. We keep remembering our friends.
Even if a dear friend is near or far it doesn’t make much difference to our friendship with that person. The relations that are formed from the deepest corners of our hearts they just keep blooming with each passing day like any bouquet.
And Yes! If we are into the bond of friendship we need to take some efforts to keep it alive throughout and it takes both people to keep it alive. If always it is your friend who is trying to keep up the friendship by communication or by keeping in touch with you and you always keep giving reasons that you don’t have time then you might lose a dear friend of yours.
In Sanskrit it is said “सखा साधुप्रलापावधि”.
Friends are in touch with you only till there is affection and good wishes in between. When affection starts to fade away, friendships wither away gradually. So if you don’t want to lose a good friend then stay alert.
If we travel back in time just like in any movie, we will realise when we were kids then we used to carry lunch boxes and we shared our lunch with our friends. Sharing and eating was the utmost fun at that time. Someday, when mother cooked our favourite meal she would say, “Finish your tiffin all by yourself, its your favourite. Don’t share it with your friends.” But that instruction was clearly left at the doorstep on our way out. As soon as it would be a lunch time we waited when we will share our favourite meal with our favourite friend. The moment he took bite from our lunch thats when we would feel nice.
Now that we enter teenage, chocolates were shared with friends, playing with friends was altogether a different fun. We even began sharing our toys. And while playing if a friend is caught doing cheating then we would convince him with the sweetest tone possible.
Birthday celebrations were exciting only because we would celebrate it with our friends. Having friends over for a birthday was even more exciting than having relatives over. We would excitingly click photos with our friends and store them in our memories forever.
Teenage is without any doubt the best phase of our life and as soon as it comes to an end there is a chaos of emotions that surge inside us. There is this huge rush of all kinds of feelings inside us. And during this time, it is our friends who become our safe deposit locker. All our secrets which we otherwise hesitate to reveal in front of our mother-father, brother-sister are revealed in front of a friend because we find comfort in them.
We share our most happy situations with our friends and also we choose to cry on the shoulder of a friend when we are not in our best shape.
Finding peaceful time amidst all the chaos to sit around with our friend is like a dream and something that we constantly look forward for. And when we meet the chit chat never ends and we cannot have enough of our friend.
With whom you can casually share the phrases such as, “Abey! Oye.” and never having to say formalities like Thankyou & Sorry before departing, that is beauty of friendship.
Friends are precious. They leave no opportunity to tease us by repeatedly chanting the name of our crush or the one we have feelings for, they mock us, they get easily mad with us, they have all the rights on us, they will take anything that we own without any hesitation like its their belonging and we never mind about it, and they also their belongings as if we own it.
A friend has all the abilities to set you in the right mood at any time. Whenever we feel nervous they will just crack some lame hilarious joke or try everything to set our mood straight and in no time we laugh again. They present the lamest of jokes in such a way that we get all cracked up.
If a friend is on talking terms then heart feels happy all the time, if for some reason he is angrywith us then we become very restless.
A friend is closest of all, very close to our heart. Only by judging an expression of a friend we can clearly make out if he still wishes to stay our friend or he don’t. We stay so close with our friends that we are aware of even the slightest of details attached with our friend and so we instantly understand even if there is any minute change in how he is feeling or thinking.
A true friend never betrays, but there are times in life when we might accidentally choose wrong people in our life as our friends and then our trust converts into over confidence or disbelief and we get hit with one of the worst phases of life which is hard to endure but it is also hard to talk about it. Even Hindu Shastra mentions, be very wise while choosing your friends because if you are not alert or wise in the beginning, later we are left with only regrets.
“वर्जनीया मतिमता, दुर्जनः सख्यवैरयोः, श्वा भवत्यपकाराय, लिहन्नपि दशन्नपि ॥”
(सोबत करतौं श्वान की, बे बाजु भवै दुःख, खीजुं चाटतैं पींड कौ, रीझ्युं चाटत है मुख ॥)
Meaning :- He who is tied with us, is tied for life. Be alert in the beginning so as to avoid regrets later.
पञ्चसूत्र और उपदेशरहस्य की अन्तिम 15 हितशिक्षा में कहा है कि,
“वज्जिज्जा अधम्ममित्तजोगं ॥”
Meaning :- One who is vicious, one who can’t be trusted and one who is atheist, maintain your safe distance from such people. They can never be your friends.
“कल्लाणमित्तं संसग्गि सदा कुव्वेज्जं पंडिए ॥” (ऋषिभाषितसूत्र-॥33॥17॥)
Meaning :- Intelligent people should always find people who think of friend’s welfare, to hangout with. How do we recognise such a friend ? Bhatrihari policy maker explains as follows :-
“पापान्निवारयति योजयते हिताय, गुह्यं निगूहति गुणान्प्रकटी करोति ।
आपद्गतं च न जहाति ददाति काले, सन्मित्रलक्षणमिदं प्रवदन्ति सन्तः ॥73॥”
- He who stops a friend to commit any sin.
- He who teaches his friend about beneficial habits and trends.
- He who can hold tight the secrets of a friend.
- He who takes pride in expressing the good qualities of a friend in front of public or behind his back.
- He who protects a friend in the time of need.
- He who gives time to a friend.
Great Men have listed these qualities that a good friend possess.
My dear friend Shri Munivar Tirthbodhivijayji M.Sa. has extremely beautiful and captivating imagination that Guru of P.Poo. Upadhyay Shri Yoshivijayji named P.Poo. Shri Nayvijayji M.Sa. and Guru of P.Poo. Shri Vinayvijayji M.Sa. named P.Poo. Upadhyay Shri Kirtivijayji M.Sa. had an intimate friendship. They had decided that they will keep the names of their disciples complementing the synonyms of each other’s names. And so P.Poo. Nayvijayji M.Sa. kept his disciple’s name keeping in mind the word ‘Kirti’ (synonym of which is Yash) as ‘Yashovijay’ and P.Poo. Shri Kirtivijayji M.Sa. kept his disciples’s name keeping in mind ‘Nay’ and named him as ‘Vinayvijay’. And you must have seen that P.Poo. Yashovijayji M.Sa. and P.Poo. Vinayvijay M.Sa. also had deep intimate friendship because of which the formation of ‘Shripal Raja Ki Ras’ was approved by Vinayvijayji M.Sa. only on the condition that only Yashovijayji M.Sa. will complete this incomplete tale and Yashovijayji had promised to do so. The blissful ending of this tale was as expected by the two great friends and they completed it together. This ‘Ras’ is like a friendship holy book for Gods.
Our P.Poo. Gachadhipati Shri JayGhosh soori Maharaj saheb had a dear friend P.Poo. Shri Dharamjeet soori M.Sa. Even after Poo.Aa. Shri Dharamjeet soori had left for heavenly abode he used to come and meet his friend Poo. Gachadhipati.
Freindship of a gentleman – it is a matter of a great fortune to be friends with great men.
How do we come to know if we have chosen a friendship or a company of a great man or an evil man ? The answer is here :
“आरम्भ गुर्वीक्षयिणी क्रमेण, लघ्वी पुरा वृद्धिमती च पश्चात् ।
दिनस्य पूर्वार्धपरार्धभिन्ना छायेव मैत्री खलसज्जनानाम् ॥”
Meaning :- A friendship of an evil man is just like a shadow of a first half of the day (from morning till noon) which is detailed and bright at first and gradually fades. And a friendship with a great man is like the shadow of a second half of the day (From noon till evening), at first it is very faded and it becomes brighter and detailed later in the evening.
Just like that there are lines in Shastra to describe Friendship :-
उत्सवे व्यसने प्राप्ते दुर्भिक्षे शत्रुसंकटे, राजद्वारे स्मशाने च य तिष्ठति स बान्धवः ॥ – पञ्चतन्त्र ॥5॥41॥
व्यसने मित्र परिक्षा…
आपत्सु मित्रं जानीयाद् – हितोपदेश
तन्मित्रं यत्र विश्वासः ।
In short, the meaning of these lines is that in the times of celebrations, troubles, objections, the dawn, trouble from an enemy, difficulties in state decisions, a person who stands tall with us and stays neutral with us is one trustworthy friend. Because in times like these if someone leaves us stranded how can he be a good friend?
A true friend will not even care about his life for a friendship. He will not be able to bear even the little bit of sadness of a friend. It is very rare and fortunate to be blessed with a friend who stays with you like an equal partner of all your sorrows and happiness.
In a well defined sanskrit shlok there is a beautiful description of friendship of Kheer-Neer.
“क्षीरेणात्मगतोदकाय हि गुणाः दत्ताः पुरा तेऽखिलाः, क्षीरे तापमवेक्ष्य तेन पयसाऽह्यात्मा कृशानोऽहुतः ॥
गन्तुं पावकमुन्मनस्तदभवत् दृष्ट्वा तु मित्रापदम्, युक्तं तेन जलेन शाम्यति सतां मैत्री पुनस्त्वीदृशी ॥”
Meaning :- Milk mixes well the self sufficient water in it and covers water in all its qualities. And hence, as a remembrance of this favour when we put milk on a flame and when it starts burning, water, being a good friend to milk and to protect it from burning, burns itself on flame. And on the other hand, after witnessing the culmination of a friend, milk starts burning with utmost distraught and attains peace only when water is added in it.
Friendship with Great Men can be compared with this.
In order to explain a friendship with an evil man, Shastra describes :
“दुर्जनेन समं सख्यं प्रीतिं चापि न कारयेत्, उष्णो दहति चाङ्गारं शीतः कृष्णायते करम् ॥” – हितोपदेश
Meaning :- We should never make a loving friendship with an evil man. Like a coal adapts the heat of a fire and burns your hand and even after cooling down it blackens your hand.
And so, one should always keep their friendship alive with great men. And to keep such friendship unbreakable there are few important lines explained in Shastra :
“इच्छेश्चेद्विपुलां मैत्रीं त्रीणी तत्र न कारयेत्, वाग्वादमर्थसम्बन्धं तन्पत्नि परिभाषणम् ॥”
- Never fall into a controversy with a friend.
- Never see your friendship in an economic behaviour.
- Never speak with your friend’s wife.
If we keep in mind these three things, we build a foundation of an unbreakable friendship.
If you want to keep your friendship alive forever, then follow these 4 points ardently :
“प्राणैरपि हितावृत्तिः, अद्रोहो व्याजवर्जनम्, आत्मनीव प्रियाधानं एतत् मैत्री महाव्रतम् ॥”
- A friend means greater than life, possess such an attitude.
- Never betray a friend. Never!
- Never find selfish reasons and intentions in a friendship.
- Like we love ourselves, we should love our friends in the same manner.
As soon as our young generation step into the college in present times, they quickly adapt to an environment of college. The concept of west culture is taking over on the minds and hearts of youth through movies and social media. And so, young generation is more fascinated now-a-days with the concept of boyfriend-girlfriend wherein there is no deep meaningful love, only and only infatuation. Many people now a days enter in such relation just to show off to their peer. In such relations, only God knows how much the purity of friendship lacks.
But Poojya Mahopadhyaya Yashovijayji M.Sa. considered God as his only friend and so in the description of Lord Shreyansnath he sang :
“तुमे बहु मैत्री रे साहिबा, मारे तो मन एक, तुझ विण बीजो रे नवि गमे, ए मुझ म्होटी रे टेक ।
श्री श्रेयांस कृपा करो…”
And in response to this God answered,
“पुरिसा! तुममेव तुमं मित्तं, किं बहिया मित्तं इच्छसि ?” – श्रीआचारांगसूत्र ।
Meaning: – Hey Fortunate One! You are your own friend, so why do you go around the world in search of a friend? Or keep the longing of a friend from outside world?
God’s these words contain utmost seriousness, esoteric and essence on which we can totally rely.
I would like to bring in close attention at the end of this write up, that in our ethology, philosophy, traditions there are a plenty of shloks written on the topic of friendship. Out of which I have tried to describe some special handpicked shloks on this beautiful occasion of friendship.
Our ancient culture teaches us some beautiful soft and selfless examples of friendships. We should be glad and consider ourselves fortunate for such understanding from our ancient culture.
“मा गा इत्यपमङ्गलं व्रज पुनः स्नेहेन हीनं वचः, तिष्ठेति प्रभुता यथारुचि कुरु ह्येषाप्युदासीनता ।
नो जीवामि विना त्वयेति वचनं सम्भाव्यते वा न वा, तन्मां शिक्षय मित्र यत्समुचितं वाक्यं त्वयि प्रस्थिते ॥”
At the time of departure, one friend wants to say to other friend, “Don’t Go!” But it is not right to become hindrance in a friend’s progress then what should a friend say? “Okay! Go” But where is love in this sentence? Then what should he say? “Okay! Now Stop!” This is clearly order giving statement. Then what should he say? “Do whatever you feel right!” This depicts extremely sad and anger tone. “Oh My Friend! You are leaving but I won’t be able to stay alive without you.” This sentence has unbelievable extreme exaggeration in it which lacks truth.
Hence, “Oh my Friend! Now that you are leaving, kindly teach some appropriate saying for this intolerable farewell.”